An appeal for practicality to 45*'s legion of racists, zealots and wealthy industrialists

Racists, unite. Vote this guy out. You can get a way better racist than this. A silver-tongued devil who can etch it into law, not just executive orders and nyaah-nyaah rhetoric. There is nothing game changing and nothing big picture with this guy and you know you can do better. Take four years off and find him. See how he does against a black lady in 2024 and really prove your point.

Zealots, unite. Vote this guy out. Come on. You can get a way better zealot than this. A PhD theologian with a gift for plain speaking. Here’s a concept—shooting for the moon maybe, but how about you draft a presidential zealot who actually believes. Pray for better, because it’s out there. One that serves your vision of life on Earth but doesn’t burden you with the deep sense of hypocrisy you now must bear.

Wealthy industrialists, unite. Come on. Vote this guy out. He is a clown and you know it. You can get a way better wealthy industrialist than this. One who is an actual billionaire and not just a carnival barker with flaking cake makeup selling a step-right-up shtick to the local rubes. Imagine it—no more sheepish admissions of how yeah, he doesn’t know what he’s talking about, no more ambitiously constructed defenses of things you know to be stupid, no more time wasted convincing yourself the sale of the last shreds of your decency weren’t offered at a bargain. 

There ought not be any shortage of wealthy industrialists, so pick a charmer to get those white suburban ladies Republicans court so assiduously, and if he’s southern and hearkens the comportment of a brave, 19th century abolitionist, well, you can start picking out the oval office drapes by August. Come on, you tubby, pink bullshitters with your Monopoly Man suits and your Formula 1 race teams. You stain yourself with a muck that belies every aspect of the image you seek when you wallow with this guy. Dirty, cheap and impermanent. Is that branding?

Racists, zealots, wealthy industrialists, this era must come to an end. All of the gracelessness, incuriousness and crassness aside, the incumbent should not be reelected solely on grounds of competence. The coronavirus pandemic is the obvious manifestation of his gross personal deficits, and any objective assessment of his performance in the crisis ought to be seen as disqualifying for the job of president. And the same defects of character that drove him to failure in the epidemic will present themselves in other times of great challenge. Imagine personal aggrievement figuring into a nuclear exchange. So please, racists, zealots, wealthy industrialists. You comport your ilk poorly with this man. Sit on your hands this week, and devise the monstrosity of your dreams for some time in the near future. It’s just not your year.